


Lost in the sound of my heart

by Clinical_awesomeness, IsThisEvenGood



Category: Sanders Sides (Web Series)
Genre: Acrobat! Patton, Acrobatics, Alternate Universe - Dance, Angst, Boys Will Be Boys, Dancer! Logan, Dancer! Patton, Dancer! Roman, Dancer! virgil, Dancing, Financial Issues, Italian! Patton, Russian! Logan, Self Confidence Issues, Self-Hatred, Slow Burn, Tap dancer virgil, Tap! Virgil, ballet dancer logan, balletdancer! logan, ballroom dancer roman, ballroomdancer! roman, jazz dancer virgil, this is a long fic
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-08-30
Updated: 2019-08-30
Packaged: 2020-09-30 16:22:10
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 2,567
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20450030
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Clinical_awesomeness/pseuds/Clinical_awesomeness, https://archiveofourown.org/users/IsThisEvenGood/pseuds/IsThisEvenGood
Summary: The best thing about dance in Logan's opinion is that it is a way to unite and communicate to people anyway, despite backgrounds. To him dance is about being free yet with the constant pressure of his parents to do everything with perfection he's tied between the world of perfection and the world of being free.The thing about dance to Patton is to escape, show the world that you don't need a degree to be talented. he just wished his parents had the same view as him, but like anything in his life, it's never that easy.The thing about dance in Roman's opinion was the expression, being able to get your passion and put it into moves or your body, no judgement and no fear. well at least there used to be no judgement's...The best thing about dance in Virgil's opinion is that... that dance doesn't care who you are or who you were. where you come from or the challenges you face.But no, dance doesn't care. doesn't care about the friendships or pain. it must look effort less despite what turmoil is burning in your chestFriendships are tested, hearts broken and blood shed all in the name of dance.





	1. Take me to Church

**Author's Note:**

> This fic is all about the struggle of life for these four and their escape through dance and movement, being able to quench their fire or let it burn brighter. to clarify, they sll go to the same school and are all 17/18, because of reasons (that you'll find out) they couldn't go to a school that specializes in dance so they all go to the same dance school after their normal school. 
> 
> If you want more infomation just ask me on tumblr at;  
clinincalawesomeness 
> 
> and a huge thank you to IsThisEvenGood! they are also writing the fic along side me and we won't be abandoning it, any questions ask either at my tumblr or in the comments! btw the song used in Logan's dance is  
'take me to church' by hozier (it's a rly good song go listen!)
> 
> thank you! ~E~

A strong melody filled the empty room as a figure was curled on the floor waiting for the right moment as he let the notes fill and move his usually stiff, robotic body, as he sat there, on his knees, waiting for his body to float with the music. 

My lover's got humour. She giggled at a funeral. Knows everyone's disapproval. 

He swung his body forward letting one of his legs uncurled to an immaculate point as his arm reached up. 

I should've worshipped her sooner. If the heavens ever did speak. She's the last true mouthpiece 

Taking a large breath, he felt the oxygen flow through him finally feeling alive, as he let his body crumple to the floor again. 

Lifting his back up he curled in on himself, waiting for the right moment, then he swiftly leapt up in the air horizontally. Before letting him, body roll on to the floor and taking another deep breath. It was all about precision. 

~Every Sunday getting bleaker. A fresh poison every week. 'we were born sick' so they say~ 

He flipped round his body, facing towards the floor, before placing his wait on his right side. Lifting the left into the air diving through his own body he leapt up from the floor, whipping his body backwards as he supported himself on his lone arm. Now standing up he let out a shaky breath. 

~Take me to church, I'll worship like a dog at the shrine of your lies  
I'll tell you my sins and you can sharpen your knife  
Offer me that deathless death  
Good God, let me give you my life  
Take me to church, I'll worship like a dog at the shrine of your lies  
I'll tell you my sins and you can sharpen your knife  
Offer me that deathless death  
Good God, let me give you my life~

Taking a few placed steps forward he leapt backwards doing an astonishing entrechat mid-air before spinning to face the corner and carries out A grand jeté. He lets his body fall into a simple arabesce before turning and repeating the previous action. 

Take me to church, I'll worship like a dog at the shrine of your lies  
I'll tell you my sins and you can sharpen your knife  
Offer me that deathless death  
Good God, let me give you my life 

He glides across the room like a swan, making it look effortless and he seemingly floats across the wooden floor. Too caught up in his own world of movement to notice anything around him. He flings he entire being around before finishing with an attitude and let himself glance at the clock. 

Realizing his world must come to an close, he grabs his school shirt and tie from the corner of the spacious room, taking a sip of water and breathing heavily he makes a beeline for the Victorian style doors, after putting on his school clothes he hesitates for a moment, pausing as the inevitable realisation that he must leave his sanctuary again, going out to the already daunting, different world outside he questioned whether he wanted to. Whether he could just stay in here for the day, not many people would notice. 'it could just be him and the music' he thought as he slipped of his navy ballet shoes. 'nonsense.' Another voice stated in his head 'it would ruin his perfect attendance and his parents would be impressed with that.' Unfortunately for his heart he decided to follow his head, as he does in many situations, and opened the door, leaving his ballet shoe's behind. 

Brushing his raven hair out of him eyes he slipped his glasses on, even though he could see perfectly with the contacts he wore, he felt they made his look just slightly more professional. Passing through the familiar gates of Lampton school he started walking towards the main entrance, saying hello to a few faces he knew. Making his way to his form room he found that there was only one other there. It was his friend, Virgil, who sat in the corner of the classroom scrolling through his phone, peering up as he entered the class. "sup l, came back from practice?" He said while still staring at his phone, not making an effort to hide it from the stricter teachers. Virgil, like Logan, had the same love for dance. He felt that when doing the dances, he loved helped him destress and relax from the world around him- something that someone with high anxiety can very rarely do. 

"yes, I have just returned from the studio. Hense why I have my- дерьмо!" He said, cutting of the rest of his sentence "I've left my ballet slippers in the studio." "well shit dude, um, I'm sure they'll be there when you go there after school." He said looking up at Logan with a sympathetic look "do you have any classes after lunch?" "yes, I have further maths." He said a little dejectedly. "well I'm leaving to go to the studio at lunch, so I'll put them in my bag till you arrive ok?" He said with a slight smile. 

"ok Virgil, thank you. But I swear if any of the younger students use them ill aggressively poke them with a knife." He said threateningly, so much so that Virgil couldn't tell if he was joking. Logan has always been quite possessive of his possessions. 

"dude, I swear everyday your sounding more like me" he gave a quite chuckle as they both stood and took the two empty seats in the back. "you don't want to get a rep for yourself lo." He said teasingly with a hint of seriousness to his tone. Logan just let out a deflated laugh "yeah..." The bell rung as students started filing into class, splitting into groups or taking their seats. A young teacher came in that the class wasn't used too as she stood at the front of the class, she wore a blinding yellow dress with a blue jacket, which to Virgil looked awful, and a large white-pearled necklace. Her red painted lips were spread into a thin grimace as the room full of 17- and 18-year olds didn't seem to notice please take your seat! School has begun." She stated in a way to cheery tone for a Monday. "I'm you substitute teacher, Mrs Clark. Now if you could please settle down while I take the register" she picked up a clipboard on the front desk as Virgil and Logan shared panicked looks, admittedly Virgil was more panicked then Logan, new teacher and registration did not go well for either of them. 

"Valery Storm" the class turned towards Virgil as he felt his face go a couple shades redder "it's- uh- it's actually Virgil please" he said staring down at his desk as his body repulsed the burning stares he was getting. Though he didn't look he knew that Logan was probably death staring them all back. "thank you for correcting me Valery." She said with a sharp emphasis on 'correction', Virgil felt a sharp pull in his heart when he heard that name again. " Vir-Virgil. It's Virgil." He said as he saw the teacher glare a little in his direction. "oh of course, sorry Va- Virgil." She said, almost accidently saying it yet by the sound of her tone it was nothing like an accident. Virgil sank deeper in his chair. "Logan..... uh...Logan... I'm sorry what's your surname?" She said I bit shocked 

" Аполлинария " he stated with a sigh. He knew this was coming. Every time. Though it's never the teachers fault it doesn't get a bit boring from eighteen years of hearing it wrong. 

" Apol-apollin- wait what? Where are you from?" 

"Екатеринбу́рг" he stated getting I little confused about why it mattered so much. Mrs Clark turned to another student before pointing at Logan "does that boy speak English?" a faint 'oh shit' could be heard from under a students breathe, Logan was notorious for he 'arguments' he caused with students and teachers but surprisingly he did the opposite. Sitting there he coldly stated, "only when he wants too." And left it as that, to be honest he didn't care much for the teacher and wanted registration to be over with. And just like that the bell rung and the student went off to their respective lesson, yet Logan still heard the teacher say "well done you two for wasting the entire form time I can't belie-" 

" заткнись, сука" Logan muttered under his breath as Virgil snickered, even though Virgil didn't know much Russian he knew that what he said wasn't nice. They exited the class and made their way to the next, straightening his tie Logan signed "can't wait for this day to be over."


	2. i'm only human

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Virgil stared at the paper, like it was an enemy. To Virgil it was, it was a horrendous, ghastly paper full of complex maths question. To most people it was simple, I mean- no one said taking further maths was easy, but to Virgil he was in so much pain he couldn't focus.

Virgil stared at the paper, like it was an enemy. To Virgil it was, it was a horrendous, ghastly paper full of complex maths question. To most people it was simple, I mean- no one said taking further maths was easy, but to Virgil he was in so much pain he couldn't focus. He could hear Logan sigh before writing something on a piece of paper before passing it said; 

'ill give you the key to the answers, 

Given: X+Z = Y+Z 

Prove: X=Y 

Proof: 

X+Z=Y+Z 

(X+Z) + (-Z) = (Y+Z) + (-Z) 

X + [Z + (-Z)] = Y+ [Z+(-Z)] 

X+0 = Y+0 

X=Y 

You can to talk to me when you feel a bit better, until then buy yourself something nice~L' 

Virgil smiled a little as he put the fresh, uncreased ten pound in his pocket, he'd better thank Logan later. He started to start with the questions but his hear was nagging him. Sure he has been mis-gendered before but today he just felt horrible, he just felt like breaking down. He finished the paper within the first hour and a half and listened to the ticking clock till it was two hour past as he quickly gathered his things to go. He walked up to the desk and handed in his paper and saw Logan waiting by the door for him. Turning and walking out he turned to Logan "Thanks lo, I just- just don't normal react that bad but today is just-" he mumbled as he walked down the corridor with Logan, suddenly heard a hoard of comments obviously directed at him 

"yeah she bring a new meaning to man-tits."   
"she doesn't even look like a he"   
"I can't believe they let her in? I mean she can just waltz into the men's bathroom even though she has-" 

Virgil felt the tires welling up but refused to let them have that satisfaction and by the look of Logan's pissed face he was obviously fuming as he snapped back at the crowd "well I can't believe they let you in? I mean you can just waltz in even though your just immature, trans-phobic ass-holes who wouldn't know shit if you saw it and I swear if you make another comment I will rip your fake hair extensions and shove them down your thought until you choke to death." Logan's eyes went dangerously as passing students took a step back, knowing fully capable of the fights he could cause. He was C for his temper and Virgil didn't know what was more threatening; what he said or how is said it so coldly...calmly. 

"Logan- its fine lets just go-" Virgil started before being cut off yet again 

"sure! Why don't you just go with your girlfriend, maybe play Russian roulette while your there!" The girl with brown hair bit back. 

"Then ill make sure the gun will point at your head then" he said before storming away, leaving Virgil, on the crest of a mental breakdown follow after. 

They walked in silence to the gate as Virgil look sorrowfully at Logan "good luck with the rest of school" he offered, still knowing that Logan was probably still angry. Who was he kidding, he was murderous. 

He heard a mumble of what sounded like a yeah, so he said his fare well and headed of, practically in tears and getting his headphones out his bag, he put on a soundtrack as 'say amen (it's Saturday night)' started playing. He kicked a stone a little to hard as he he crossed the road, and took a of pavement shortcut, walking past the vast forest he came across a good sized building, he headed for the back entrance eager to get in.

Virgil entered the dance studio, frustrated and upset. He sat down on one of the benches with a thud and put on his jazz shoes. School is just so frustrating and even more frustrating when the brainless substitute teacher doesn’t get your bloody name right. His head fell into his hands as he blinked away a few tears. Why is it always so hard? 

He stood up and walked over to the large mirror running against the back of the wall and warmed up before sighing. The event this morning was burned into his mind and kept playing on repeat. It was like a mental torture and no matter what song he had blasted through his headphones or whatever existential thought his class gave him, he couldn't stop it. His only escape was dance.

Plugging his phone into the speaker, he found the song he was looking for, pressed play and got into his starting position.

*i can hold my breath  
I can bite my tongue*

He lifted his head and pirouetted,sinking his head as he stepped forward.

*i can stay awake for days if that's what you ask  
Be your number one* 

Sinking to the floor, he held his head and reached out with his hand and stretched his leg to the side before collapsing to the floor and rolling.

*i can fake a smile   
I can force a laugh  
I can dance and play the part if that's what you ask  
Give you all i am* 

Posé turn, posé turn. Rise up, down, split leap, switch split.

Gliding around the room, he felt tears pricking his eyes. As he danced he reached up and wiped his eyes, smudging his eye-shadow slightly. He brought his hand down as the chorus began.

*but i'm only human   
And i bleed when i fall down.   
I'm only human   
And i crash and i break down.*

He couldn't stop it now, tears rolled down his face as he span and leapt around the room. He reached up to the ceiling and slowly sank to the floor.   
As he went to do the next move he lost control of his body. His hands hit the floor and he sobbed. He hit the floor with his hand. Why was life so unfair? why couldn't they just accept him?  
As he cried he spotted something in the corner of his eye. The navy ballet shoes. He wiped his eyes, stood up and walked over to them. Picking them up he put them next to his bag as he turned of the music. his ache in his chest burnt, it burnt like an uncontrollable fire consuming his last bit of confidence and leaving the ashes of pain behind.

He sank to the floor once again. An anxious, sobbing mess on the cold floor of the studio.


End file.
